So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
