its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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