We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
