They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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