Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
