I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there's paper in my vomit.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
