my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
