Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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