I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this hospital has no fireball
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
