absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
