One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we made out on top of his cat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
