If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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