Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
