listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
