Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
