is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
