and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
