It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
