i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
