singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
