I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
