bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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