you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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