You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
