So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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