Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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