So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
