I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
