I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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