I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
