WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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