Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
