I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
