Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
