you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
