Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
