the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm passing your future prison.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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