I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
