you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
