hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
