I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he thought i was a dude.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
