i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
