I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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