NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You may now shotgun with the bride
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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