the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
