Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So much rum. So many feels.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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