I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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