We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
