Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
