Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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